Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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