so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
