remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
