The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
