Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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