If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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