she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
