I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize