Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Bring me that man meat
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
