I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
