I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
