ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize