Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
