I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
