Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
