I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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