I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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