She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
