real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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