New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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