im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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