I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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