im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
