all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
