Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
