Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
