Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
