You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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