Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
