so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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