Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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