My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
