i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
