I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize