I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
