so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Define "chronic" masturbator.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
