I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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