he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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