I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
