I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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