She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
