This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
