Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
