Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
