my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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