I heard we made out
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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