guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
