Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
