I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize