no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
