i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
