I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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