I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
