new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize