Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
