the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
