i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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