He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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