Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
