Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
