last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
