god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
