why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
sarcasm needs its own font
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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