Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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