so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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