eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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