If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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