she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
