where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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