I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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