I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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