Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
