All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
