awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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