i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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