my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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