I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
