They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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