I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
