return my video game
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
