Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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