Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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