No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
