Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
