Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize