I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
