hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
