So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
