Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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