he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize