i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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