it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
