new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Panties = found
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
