i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
