Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize