Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
