He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
