we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
