I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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