hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
