we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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