he wants to bone in the snuggie
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
