even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
