My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
