I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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