We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
