Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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