I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
