capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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