it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
