so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
