I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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