I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
