We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
