well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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