I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
