Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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