I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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