Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
