You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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