I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
