Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
