Dude my mom stole all your condoms
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
