she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
