just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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