I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
