You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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