What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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