im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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